This awkward post is a compilation of awkwardness over the last few months. Get ready though, being in this new city brings out a whole lotta awkward moments for me.
- Seeing my first group of fundamentalists (this happened a while back when I worked on Temple Square. I wasn’t sure how to act, but I oddly wanted to take a picture with them.)
- Having the same bathroom schedule as an awkward guy at work.
- Mistaking a girl standing by the Walmart entrance as an employee and instead of correcting me she ran away in the style similar to that of Napoleon Dynamite.
- Dealing with a runny nose without any tissues. This happens every time I go from the harsh NY winter down onto a Subway platform. As I am sniffing and wiping my nose with my…hand…I turn and get a death look from a posh Upper West Sider – I am not that person. Needless to say she doesn’t sit by me on the C train.
5 awkward things this week…
- Having elevator doors open and a couple in wedding attire join me. No smiles. Okay… When no one says anything I ask, “Are you two taking wedding photos today?” the bride answers, “No, I wish. We just got married.” as I exit the elevator I reply, “Well congraaa..aa..t…s.” (then awkwardly fade out as I realize I’m not sure if that is the right thing to say). Doors close.
- Using my key card to get into the parking lot when the gate is already open and people are waiting behind me….twice….in one day.
- Getting off on the wrong floor and taking a lap around the cubicles to avoid getting on the same elevator with the same people that just saw me get off.
- Trying to guess a band on the radio with the hints from Daniel, “Three words……..J.E.W….first word is a name….Jimmy.” I then realize: “Oh, I saw them in concert!” (for free, I swear).
- Wearing a pair of pants that the zipper won’t stay up….yup.
Top 5 Awkward things…this week:
- I’m filling up my car with gas at the Maverick. Just when I finish the attendant comes over the intercom and says, “Excuse me ma’am, you used someone else’s gas”. Yep. The man next to me told the dude inside the wrong pump number. I went inside to figure everything out, but found the Marverick employee very upset and stressed over the situation. He then said, “Never mind. It’s fine. Just go. I’ll explain it to my boss.” Not sure what to do and excited yet torn about the idea of getting free gas, I thought I would talk him through this possibility-of-getting-fired situation. I had an idea: “Can’t you cancel his card and put it on mine?” He had paid with cash. “Okay, how about I pay you with cash.” ….”Oh, yeah okay.” he replied, finally satisfied.
- Walking across Temple Square on my lunch break I realize that two tourists pretended to take a picture of a friend when they really just tried to get me in the background. I solemnly swear I will never do that to anyone ever again. And I stick to my hashtag #IblameMitt.
- Calling the Target Pharmacy. When the pharmacist answers, “Target Pharmacy,” I reply, “Hello, I’m looking for the Target Pharmacy….oh wait, are you the Pharmacy?”
- Tagging a photo of myself on Facebook (which is awkward anyway) and accidentally clicking on the wrong face. Then finding out that in the new Facebook I can’t untag myself in my photos…only other people…
- Cutting through my styrofoam to-go box during my lunch break and having butter leak onto my skirt for a solid 10 minutes before noticing.
Hopefully your week goes a lot less awkwardly than mine.